11 Steps to a Safer Homeland by Maryam Jafri


11. To prevent an attack, just hit back, preferably at the weakest target you can find.

10. If you are attacked make sure no one stops to ask why.

9. History is a dirty word.

8. For speechmaking, recycle old Hollywood scripts, ancient apocalyptic epics of good vs. evil and Elizabethan revenge tragedies.

7. New Hollywood scripts work too. So do as yet unrealized plots culled from roundtable, brainstorm sessions between government hawks and Hollywood execs.

6.Can license fruits of above efforts to video gamemakers.

5. Do not export above games to China.

4. Can also use your father?s speeches. Change dates, not places.

3. The less you travel abroad, the more you know.

2. Love thy neighbor, watch thy neighbor.

1. Call above Terrorism Information & Prevention Services (TIPS).


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